vis-à-vis….

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…it is a fine line between being honest, and being selfish

 

I have stepped across both lines, consciously and unconsciously.  Perhaps I find it difficult to be honest about my selfishness – can I really believe it’s ok, pretending “yes” rather than actually saying “no”, just because I don’t want to for reason A, B or C / X,Y or Z?  Because when it boils down to it (if there is no external reason) then I simply don’t want to.

Does my action become either honest or selfish depending on another person’s reception / reaction to it?  If they were to ‘get it’ / think it’s fair enough, then I’m honest; if they think “oh… great, thanks very much”, then I am left with a feeling of having been selfish.

Is this a shifting of responsibility or a side-stepping of consequences?  Perhaps, and yet there is something in it.  It’s back to creating our own reality – I do so with the decisions I make and those choices are inextricably linked to experiences and influences I’ve had and that are currently around me.

If I were ‘consistently’ or ‘unreasonably’ selfish, that is one thing; but hopping across the line from honesty is entirely another.

Honesty can hurt, this is known.  I do all I can to not cause suffering as a result of my honesty (“the best policy” and all that) but sometimes it’s got teeth.  Including when looking inwards, to the core and it’s machinations.  I’m overcome with the sense of instinct, trying to let it find it’s intuitive way out, trying to recognise / feel it and subsequently trust it, act on it and leave the understanding to later.

And in so doing… unless I did one day become a hermit in the traditional recluse-sense, then these true actions influence the people that I am surrounded by in my life, and when there is a negative effect then selfish is my honesty.

 

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