Here and There
Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there… what you choose to do with them is up to you.
Seven years ago I created A Change, a cut in my life: it’s habits, routines, requirements, geography, activities, ‘sociality’ – all that I knew and was practising at that point. The cliché would be a new beginning, a fresh start, a recreation of my Self. Starting with a blank sheet and knowing only what I didn’t want to do I began by leaving home and country, just me, my Self and I.
Now having passed through the infancy phases of wonder and toddling, I walk often stumbling still but recognising a true nature and a firmer step. However, I feel a divide between these two Selfs of mine. Less a divide, more of a seam and there remain moments when I can be found reverting to previous form / mindset which appear triggered by where I am geographically and therefore who I am with and what past each place stirs up within me.
It is not a Jeckyll and Hyde but it is a “Here” and “There” sensation which can essentially be represented by “Home” and “Away”: at some point when moving between the two there is imposed a blurring of Selfs. I do not know if it is a duality of perception or if being in the present is foremost or if I am separate/different persons Here and There or if Home is shifting or a combination of all or any of the above. Is there a switch that trips as I leave Here and arrive There and vice versa – do I feel the differing environs result in altered versions of my same Self. Is my life different in one compared to the other – a result of time and history I share in each: arriving There having been Here for over thirty years, finally at the end of an old life that had driven me down – all I had to do when starting over was to be me.
There – it is easy to be me.
Here – it can get tricky, so much influence from so much past it’s easy to slip, to be absorbed.
I am grateful for having arrived at the choice to opt in or out and unknowingly organising the means to allow myself to stick to it. Sometimes I have found myself wishing that I had broken free sooner in my life and wonder how a different me may be living today. Pondering this now I believe that although lessons are learned over time with experiences, my Self – my true nature – remains the same. What’s more without the “work detour” my present would be far harder to sustain.
And so, all being equal and balanced, it is purely, simply, the reality I have created and keep on creating.
Flip. Flop. Flow.