Here and There

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Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there… what you choose to do with them is up to you.

Seven years ago I created A Change, a cut in my life: it’s habits, routines, requirements, geography, activities, ‘sociality’ – all that I knew and was practising at that point. The cliché would be a new beginning, a fresh start, a recreation of my Self. Starting with a blank sheet and knowing only what I didn’t want to do I began by leaving home and country, just me, my Self and I.

Now having passed through the infancy phases of wonder and toddling, I walk often stumbling still but recognising a true nature and a firmer step. However, I feel a divide between these two Selfs of mine. Less a divide, more of a seam and there remain moments when I can be found reverting to previous form / mindset which appear triggered by where I am geographically and therefore who I am with and what past each place stirs up within me.

It is not a Jeckyll and Hyde but it is a “Here” and “There” sensation which can essentially be represented by “Home” and “Away”: at some point when moving between the two there is imposed a blurring of Selfs. I do not know if it is a duality of perception or if being in the present is foremost or if I am separate/different persons Here and There or if Home is shifting or a combination of all or any of the above. Is there a switch that trips as I leave Here and arrive There and vice versa – do I feel the differing environs result in altered versions of my same Self. Is my life different in one compared to the other – a result of time and history I share in each: arriving There having been Here for over thirty years, finally at the end of an old life that had driven me down – all I had to do when starting over was to be me.

There – it is easy to be me.
Here – it can get tricky, so much influence from so much past it’s easy to slip, to be absorbed.

I am grateful for having arrived at the choice to opt in or out and unknowingly organising the means to allow myself to stick to it. Sometimes I have found myself wishing that I had broken free sooner in my life and wonder how a different me may be living today. Pondering this now I believe that although lessons are learned over time with experiences, my Self – my true nature – remains the same. What’s more without the “work detour” my present would be far harder to sustain.

And so, all being equal and balanced, it is purely, simply, the reality I have created and keep on creating.

Flip. Flop. Flow.

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