Time slippage…

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Time is not as we see time but rather in lessons that are learned. [Brian Weiss]

The last time I was at home, seems like a long time ago and yet I know that returning I will find I had in fact only popped out a short while before.  The place looks the same, the people look the same and are doing the same things – BUT CAN’T YOU SEE I’M DIFFERENT????  Experiences lived, lessons learned and so time warps, travel assisted.

The time warp is personal, individual and subjective.  Provoked by absence from the familiar, usual, mundane it isn’t felt or noticed until returning to the “normal” environment.  Travellers, having been separate from home for a number of weeks, months, years, often look forward to returning home – full of experiences, enriched spiritually, psychologically and physically.  After a long absence there is an anticipation of the ‘home coming’: what would have happened while I was away, who will be the first to notice how much I’ve changed?  Nothing and No-one being the respective answers.

It feels as if a lot should have happened because so much has passed before my eyes and senses an yet after the grand entrance, effusive hellos, hugs and welcomes, everyone goes back to their daily rituals and I am left wondering what to do, why it feels so strange, is this it – shall I just go again?

Of course no-one sees a change in me, why would they – I’m not different: my eyes are the same colour, my hair may be longer or shorter, same kind of clothes, van is in need of some TLC…. It’s still ME to look at and even to talk to, but within the picture has clearly been repainted on a different canvas.  I feel different, I have some revised opinions, thoughts, beliefs, hopes, aspirations; I have learnt something new about my Self; I have overcome challenges and obstacles; I have met new people; I have passed through into a different phase of my life; I have left a part of me in each place and each person I have encountered; I do not want to simply slip into what was there before, I am constantly marching forwards so why take a step backwards.

Interestingly the process can be reversed.  Leaving my home environment and travelling again, once the initial wrench has passed, it is as if I had never been back.  Suddenly I am in a different mode, a parallel existence which transports me straight back to the last time and all the moments in between vanish.  Change scenery, change surroundings, change social circle and time slips again.  It can be an extraordinary sensation, until neither one or the other is real: both transitory, both me and my choice, both part of the essential path I walk, co-existing in parallel separately.

These constant “jumps” in time, the travelling involved and the cut-off isolation I enforce upon myself is only possible as a solo voyager in life with no responsibilities or commitments.  Introduce any of either and there is no longer the option to cut between one place and another and another – I would have to come back the same or at least wanting the same.  I would have to maintain a regular, constant contact which has the effect of anchoring me to my current incarnation, holding me back from exploring what may cause change.

Each time I shift between familiar places, I find many of the questions I had from before remain unanswered, nor do I feel any closer to solving these except for the small shifts within my Self that have strengthened the foundations on which to continue.

We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved.  They come together and they fall apart.  Then they come together again and fall apart again.  it’s just like that.  The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. [Pema Chodron]

 

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2 thoughts on “Time slippage…

  1. I could read your blog all day long!

    There can be a great sense of comfort upon arriving home knowing that no-one will ask though, as this means you do not need to share. Sometimes that’s more appropriate and nothing needs to be said.

    I guess some of us are lucky to be in a position to make such choices as whether or not to opt in or out in the first place and whether to continue traveling, expanding and searching. Questions pretty much always remain unanswered don’t they? I wonder, but I don’t expect to find answers as such. It is what is is. We continue to seek and to travel. We grow and expand. Each new adventure brings a new set of questions appropriate to that period in our lives. They tend to remain unanswered and the whole cycle starts all over again.

    • True words Alison: often there is nothing that needs be said, a comfort to know that no-one will ask. I am very grateful for being able to choose to continue to welcome new questions without too much wonder; to grow, expand and embrace each new adventure as the journey, with it’s cycles, unfolds.

      Thank you for the nudge 🙂

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